#7- Attack;

Having CVS, you wake up every day not knowing what your body will decide to do next. Some mornings you wake up feeling good, then a bit later on it creeps up on you. You feel nauseated, can’t stand upright, you start to sweat and cough. You need to vomit but you fear if it starts, it may not stop. You’re sweating heavily yet you’re shaking from being cold. You have to cover your eyes with your hands to keep any light out- as even though the blinds are already shut, having your eyes closed is not enough, and this is only the beginning.

Its Monday July 4th 2016, 7:10 AM. Day two of this horrendous, gut churning attack. It’s one of those days again, I feel as if I have been poisoned. I just lay in my bed with a mask over my eyes trying to block out any light. Sweating, retching, shaking. Laying there hoping today is the last day, I didn’t realise at this point I still had 5 days ahead of me. I’m home alone, I’ve managed to crawl out from my bed after a few more minutes of heaving. I’ve vomited/ heaved at least 25 times in the past hour. I try my best to get into a hot bath and position myself just right so I don’t slip if I fall asleep. Thankfully in the bath I find some relief. As the shower is overhead, I have the bath water up to my sides and I turn the shower head on and position it just right so the water runs onto my stomach, I shield my eyes from the water and sun with the shower curtain as I try to fight the nausea.

I’ve been laying here for a few hours, In my state I’ve forgotten to bring my phone with me. I try to use the bells from the school nearby as an indication as to how long I’ve been in the bath. I re-heat the water multiple times, while heaving out the side of the bath every so often in to that small grey bin I’ve become so acquainted with over the years. After a while longer in the bath I decide to try my luck back in my own bed with a Zofran wafer under my tongue, However, I find due to dehydration I am un able to dissolve it with the little saliva I have. I take a small sip from the powerade bottle next to my bed to try and add some moisture to help. Luckily I manage to keep it down as I fall asleep.

I awoke a few hours later, but unfortunately I must not of had a deep enough sleep as the vomiting started once again. I sit up as quickly as my body will allow and reach again for that little grey bin. This monster is relentless, my whole body squeezes as I heave over and over again, literally struggling to breathe due to the severity and consistency. I look up at the clock, 3.30 pm. My partner will return home from work soon, I wont have to be so afraid. I continue to vomit until I practically pass out from the exhaustion.

The attack continues until Thursday the 7th, I awake and while still nauseated and feeling sore all over, I found myself needing to vomit “please, not again” I thought, I vomited three times into the bin and went for a hot shower. After a few minutes I believe I am well enough to leave, as I also want to conserve hot water just in case I’ll need it again soon. I return to my room and sit on the edge of my bed in my towel. I begin to feel the sweats coming on again, I heave again, and again and again. By the time I am finished I need another shower. Once again I head to the bathroom and turn the taps. I get in and lay down while the water washed over my stomach offering it’s relief.

Thankfully this day, two showers and a maxalon tablet is all it took for me to be able to stomach small amounts of powerade and icy poles. As I was able to keep those down throughout the day I moved onto clear chicken soup and jelly, anything to try and replenish what I have lost over the past few days. I didn’t do much at all this day except lay in bed and try to let my body recover. The monster has left me alone for now, I fell asleep quite easy thinking this attack was finally over.

Friday July 8th. I awake with a heavy feeling in my stomach. The nausea, It’s happening again. I begin to cry from frustration and pain as I clutch the bin tightly while my stomach rejects most of what I managed to keep down from yesterday. This feeling is bitter sweet as I am upset at the fact that whatever was in my system is now out, and it was only going to be the burning bile from here. Although I was thankful I had something to bring up in the first place. The cycle continues- The vomiting, the sweats, the showers, the pain. I try everything I can think of to avoid going to the hospital. After all, they’ll only stick a canula into my hand with fluids then send me on my way. I may as well try and get fluids in my own home where I am much more comfortable.

I started to find the retching unbearable, I felt as if I was running on empty and there was nothing left. I look at the glass of water next to my bed and scull a large amount knowing I’ll vomit almost as soon as it hits my stomach but I know I’m going to vomit anyway, so I may as well have something to bring up. This continues for a while until finally I make my way to the kitchen, walking hunched over as my stomach feels so tight like a stretched elastic band. The straighter I stand, the tighter it feels. I grab an ice block from the freezer as I find these the easiest to tolerate, unfortunately today this was not the case. I crawl towards the bathroom, remembering my phone this time. I spent the next few hours laying in the water drifting in and out of sleep.

The monster continued until the afternoon of Saturday July 9th, The pain and nausea was highly similar to those previous days. Thankfully my partner was able to spend the day at home and took care of me. He ensured I had enough drink and went to the shops to grab me some apple juice and some more soup. He always does everything he can during these times. I remember waking up around 6 pm after a long sleep, Thankfully I was feeling much better and even had a slight appetite. I went out to the lounge room where my partner was and he made me some soup. I managed to keep this down and took a Maxalon tablet just in case the monster decided to return.

After a few hours I went to bed, I took myself through meditation and surrounded myself with a healing ball of light, hoping that the next morning, I would awaken and this would all be over, I would be able to enjoy my day. Thankfully, The next day- although sore and exhausted, finally I was well enough. Only for how long- How long until the monster strikes again?  I am in fear of when the next attack will hit. I just try to focus on my good days and try to stay positive.

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